Monkey See

School holidays are nearly over (pause for cheering to subside) so today was one of the last opportunities to catch some of the free kids' entertainment in the centre of Perth.

The big attraction over the last fortnight has been something called Barrel of Monkeys. Playing three times a day in a mysterious mini-big top outside a department store, the show consists of a troupe of acrobats done up as chimps, performing a comedy circus act.

Twice in the last week, Karlie, our long-suffering nanny, has queued for an hour with my increasingly fidgety children to see the show. Twice she's got to the front of the queue only for the 'House Full' sign to go up in her face.

Now it's not pretty, trying to keep under-fives happy while you stand in line for that long. Things only get uglier when you have to explain to them why they've endured the wait to see precisely bugger all. I wasn't there for the fall-out, but I've borne the brunt of similar kiddie catastrophes in the past, enough to form the opinion that these simian impersonators had better be bloody special to warrant all the aggravation. At the very least, they'd want to be solving world hunger while reenacting the Lord of the Rings movies.

In Spanish.

After spending all day yesterday unpacking boxes (my stuff's finally arrived from Sydney! Huzzah!) I was ready for a trip out. So this morning we tried to get into the show again, only this time we came with a plan. We'd get there even earlier and I'd stand in the queue while Karlie took the kids off for a juice, dodging the impatient-toddler bullet. Then, when the time came, they could zip in and claim their seats.

And it worked like a dream. Until we got inside.

Because the second we were through the tent flaps, my son looked at me and said, 'Want go home.'

We lasted twenty minutes of the forty-five minute show, twenty minutes in which I fought a fractious, struggling infant to a virtual standstill, drawing the concerned/irritated looks of the other lucky-just-to-be-there punters. Eventually I was forced into a tactical withdrawl, leaving Karlie to mind my hugely entertained daughter (from what little I did see of the show, it was worth the wait).

Five steps outside the tent, Sean tugs my hand and announces, 'Want to see monkeys!'

The police and child services were very understanding ...