Elevated Senses of Smell

It's a horror situation everyone will face at sometime in their life.

You're in a lift. It's hot and it's packed with people. And you just can't stop yourself. It sneaks out before you know what's happened, and within moments noses are wrinkling thoughout the car. And you know. You can feel it.

Everyone's looking at you.

Do you say something? Do you look at someone else and try to offload the weight of suspicion onto them? Or do you just ignore it and pray that the 28th floor rolls around that bit faster ... even though you've just stopped at three and the next 25 buttons are all lit?

Decisions, decisions ...

Well, now wrap your head around this one: same situation as before, except that you're holding the hand of your toddler son. And silently, as the lift moves off, he craps himself.

It's not something I get to say often, but I've changed enough of my son's nappies to know what kind of treat's in store without even looking. The smell gives it away, like a kind of olfactory fingerprint. Now a fart's one thing. This ... this was about as bad as it gets.

Your mind races - how do you cover up something like that? Soon the bodies are going to start hitting the floor, then no-one's going to be interested in excuses.

Suddenly I had it! Look at the underside of my boot, as if to enquire whether someone had trod in something. Yes, it might just work!

My eyes travel downwards, shoe starts tilting up ... Then my son looks up at me and announces proudly, 'Done poo!'

And still six floors to go ...