Shrinking Darth Vader

You'll have had to be holidaying in the Antarctic not to have heard that it's the 30th anniversary of Star Wars - the papers are full of stories concerning the celebrations, including this one:

'A Melbourne Star Wars fan is to be charged after sparking a security alert at Crown Casino when a replica laser gun was spotted protruding from his backpack. The 32-year-old was on his way to a photo shoot commemorating the film's 30th anniversary when he was forced to the ground by police.'

The West Australian, 26 May

The main concern for the credulous authorities was, I suspect, not the gun so much as fear that the man might use his Jedi mind tricks to win at blackjack.

My absolute favourite, however, has to be the news that a French psychiatrist has gone on record that Anakin Skywalker has a 'mental condition'.

It seems the character who forsook the path of righteousness in favour of becoming one of cinema's most enduring villains has, says the shrink, an 'identity disturbance' or borderline personality disorder.

Stay tuned for more cutting edge analysis including: 'Norman Bates Has Mother Issues' and 'That Guy from Leaving Las Vegas - Does He Like a Drink or What?'

Final word goes to this site, linked to from Anakin's analysis, that Star Wars is all, in actual fact, one big metaphor for impotence:

'The X-wing fighters, you recall, have a phallus-shaped nose from which the payload of deathlove must, literally, come. Lots of folks get confused by the fact that the four cannons on each end of the X-wings are the source of the laser beams, but remember, to trigger the death star's chain reaction, you have to fire proton torpedoes from the nose of the craft. These protein torpedoes, as we shall see, do more than just hit their mark and send her shuddering into a cosmic orgasm—recreating what the French call the "little death"—but they also reinstigate the cosmic cycle of rebirth, as the Phoenix of the empire rises from her own ashes only to be done in again and again symbolically and literally in each subsequent film.'

Now if you'll excuse me I've got to grow a beard to stroke.