'Do Try the Chips'

Been hard at work for the last couple of days, largely because it's the first time in a long time that I've had the time and space to do it. My son's off in day care and my daughter's now at school five days a week - when my wife starts her new job next week, it'll just be me and the echoes.

Productivity ahoy.

Amongst the reams of paper foisted on us at the start of term, meanwhile, my daughter's teachers included a menu for the establishment's school dinners. Parents have the choice of providing a packed lunch, or, if they can't be arsed making it themselves, ordering for their kids when they drop them off in the morning.

Two things I'm going to ask you to do now: first, cast your mind back to your school dinners.

Yeah, that's what I though, too.

Second, keep in mind that my daughter and her classmates are just five years old.

Now here's some of the delicacies on the menu.

• BLT Foccacia
• Toasted Turkey Deluxe Sandwich (with roast turkey, pumpkin, cranberry sauce, swiss cheese and sundried tomato)
• Low Fat Pitta Bread Roll Up (Lettuce, tomoato, carrot, cucumber, sour cream, with leg ham or turkey)
• Assorted Tray of Four Sushi
• Fruit Salad With Passionfruit Coulis

It's a bit of a leap from mystery-meat stew and semolina. I mean, hands up if you knew what a coulis was when you were five.

Alright, hands up if you know now ...

Come to think of it, I may just order the sushi for her and swap it for a honey sandwich and a box of raisins. She'll never know.